Sonic Goes To RadioShack
by TheKnucklesChaotix1
Summary: Sonic takes a trip to his local RadioShack.


It was a lazy Thursday afternoon in Green Hill Zone. Sonic lounged in his bed, staring at the ceiling vacantly. All his friends were off getting laid, getting paid, and getting afraid. Unfortunately for Sonic, Amy was not around, he had no job, and (somewhat fortunately) his greatest fear had yet to come knocking on his door trying to sell him cookies. God damn girl scouts.  
Suddenly, Sonic became violently hungry and decided to go eat.  
"Man, I'm hungry," Sonic said to the ceiling. The ceiling told Sonic that he could probably find some food at RadioShack. Sonic replied that he was pretty sure RadioShack didn't sell food. The ceiling said to trust it. And trust it, Sonic decided to.  
In about a jiffy, Sonic was outside RadioShack. "Nice," he said to a random human who was walking nearby. The human shrieked and ran away at the sight of the naked, three foot tall talking blue hedgehog with only one eyeball. Sonic didn't care, it happened to him all the time.  
Sonic entered the RadioShack like it was the lottery. As usual, the store was completely deserted, with the exception of the employee at the desk.  
"Wow, this place is amazing," he whispered to the cashier, who also ran away screaming.  
The first place Sonic went was the wires and cables section. Picking up an HDMI cable, Sonic tore it out of its box and popped it into his mouth.  
"Way pasth cool!" Sonic exclaimed with a full mouth before realizing that he had stuck a cable in his mouth rather than weirdly colored spaghetti. But he swallowed it anyway.  
"That ceiling sure knew what it was talking about!" Sonic yiffed, swiftly moving to the toaster section. "Boy, do I love toasters!"  
"I AM NOT A TOASTER," said a robotic voice from nearby. It was E-123 Omega. "I AM OMEGA, YOUR 'FRIEND', AS YOU LIVING MEAT BAGS CALL ME."  
"Holy crap a talking toaster," Sonic cried out, hoisting Omega into the air and stuffing him into his mouth.  
At that very moment, Knuckles waltzed into the store and witnessed Sonic devouring Omega right before his eyes in the toaster aisle of RadioShack.  
"What the fuck, Sonic?" Knuckles asked, dismayed. Sonic wheeled around to face the red pimple, licking his fingers in the process. "Why didn't you save me some to eat?"  
"We're in a RadioShack, Knuckles!" replied Sonic. "There's plenty of delicious circuitry to go around!"  
"Oh, I'm just here to buy a pair of headphones," Knuckles replied. He bought a pair of headphones and left.  
As he watched Knuckles leave, his eyes became fixated on the large screened TV in the corner.  
"That thing needs to be inside of me," Sonic told one of the toasters. The toaster just sat there like an inanimate object.  
Sonic approached the TV u with caution, but still extremely fast. He ran his tongue over the screen, savoring the taste. His salivary glands were like firehoses of spit the way he was drooling. The TV dripped like a large TV that had been slobbered all over.  
"What you see is what you get, just a guy who loves adventure! I'm Sonic the Hedgehog!"  
With those words, Sonic's mouth gaped open like Mike Wazowski in that one scene in Monster's Inc. where he tumbles into a trash can and a ton of CDs pile into his mouth before a speaker falls on his head. His mouth engulfed the entire appliance like his mouth was Mexico and the TV was the gulf. Without even chewing, Sonic swallowed the entire thing in one gulp.  
After letting out a loud belch, Sonic approached the cashier, who had reentered the store. He didn't seem to care that Sonic had eaten a TV twice his size right in front of him, as this was a regular occurrence at RadioShack. People mistake it for an eatery all too often and end up eating the smart phones like biscuits.  
"That'll be $3,000," the cashier told Sonic. Sonic took $3,000 out of his pocket and handed it to the cashier in a simple capitalistic exchange of money in return for goods and services.  
"Thank you for shopping at RadioShack, have a nice day," the cashier told Sonic as he exited the store. Sonic left through the same door he came in, making a mental note to give this place a five star rating on Yelp when he got home.  
End


End file.
